Adventures in Short Fiction #01: After a Fashion

(I'm working on some new content for this blog - honestly I am - but in the meantime I thought it'd be a not-terrible idea to post some short stories I've written over the last few years, some of which first appeared on my malnourished livejournal account. So it may be new to you! This one, as you probably saw above, is called "After a Fashion".)


"Don't you have a Face-Plant Squid yet?" Carrie asks from behind a black, oozing protoplasmic sac, its sleek tentacles wrapped through and around her blonde curls.

"No, I don't," I say. "Should I?"

Carrie rolls her eyes a little. I can't exactly see her eyes anymore, but something about the shifting squid tells me she is. "Well, uh, yeah," she says. "You better hurry before they run out."

A quick walk through the neighborhood shows me Carrie was right to worry. Everybody's got these things on their faces. Small green ones on the kids, a giant purplish one on Mr. Bantam. Well I'll be damned if I'm going to be the last Edmunds High sophomore to get one of these before the weekend.

A block away from Mel's I start to see large groups of the lucky bastards. They must just be hanging out, watching the lamers like me showing up late to the party. And is that...? FUCK! It is! Arnie Griff, captain of the chess team has one too? How did I miss this?

In front of Mel's, I have to step over a few Squid-enhanced motherfuckers who've fallen over and are spasming uncontrollably. Those guys must have been so pumped they couldn't take it. I get in the store, and lucky me, Mel says he's two minutes away from closing, but he'll give me a brand-new Face-Plant Squid for thirty-five dollars.

Dammit! Only twenty-five in my pockets. I need ten bucks and I need it fast. Outside I see some dude stumbling around. I ask him if I can please borrow ten bucks, oh please man I really need it, I'll pay you right back. Jerk-off just kind of staggers away, mumbles something, totally ignores me. I go shake him a little. "Hey asshole!" I yell. "I said I need ten bucks!" Suddenly this dude shrieks, tenses up like I scared him or something, falls over. Dude doesn't move, I see a little blood come out of his ear. His Face-Plant Squid starts wriggling, unattaches itself from the guy's face, which looks weathered and sucked dry to the bone. The squid bounces away into an alley. The dude wheezes a little, then stops breathing.

So after a moment I decide not to pursue the squid into the alley. I'm gonna want a NEW one, not some used old thing that might be defective. And this dead dude, is he really gonna need ten bucks? I check out his wallet, and sure enough, today's my lucky day, ex-President Hamilton stares me right in the face.

I run back into Mel's. Nothing can ruin my mood now. I fork over the cash and Mel disappears into the back room. Man, any minute now I'm gonna be just like Carrie and Ted and probably the whole football team at this point, and yeah even Arnie Griff, but I guess you can't have everything. I'm already planning my weekend out when Mel returns with my squid: who I'm gonna call, where we're gonna go, how many new friends I'm gonna make. Mel lifts up the squid and its tentacles shoot out at me, raspy, pulsating. Deep within the squid I see a hole open, sharp pincers draw out towards my skull. I hear a low, hungry roar that gives me goosebumps.

This is gonna be so awesome.